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Dirt Tear Garden
Contributed by
xXcrossedXx
on
Wednesday, 13th July 2005 @ 12:30:55 PM in AEST
Topic:
MiscPoems
|
I cry dirt tears for all the ones who grieve at night
Chained and locked up, in cold dark rooms.
Hearing no other tune than that of their parent’s fight,
For a single day of peace is all their heart swoons.
It is from my eye that these dirt tears fall
To all the little children who fear the sound of footsteps
Worried of being thrown against the wall,
They don’t understand why their life fell down these steps.
It is dirt tears that my eyes do spill
For all the young, weak and damaged girls and boys
Who are traumatized against their will.
I can hear their hearts, though they make not a noise.
So I will cry a dirt tear in hopes, that soon
A miracle succeeds and a flower will bloom.
Copyright ©
xXcrossedXx
... [
2005-07-13 12:30:55]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Dirt Tear Garden
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 13th July 2005 @ 01:02:13 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Good Write, pretty sad but true. Please Comment on my poem: You Saved Me, it would mean a lot...thank you:) -Steph |
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Re: Dirt Tear Garden
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kie on
Wednesday, 13th July 2005 @ 03:54:11 PM AEST
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Bravo and then some!
High very high praise for your poem.
This one hit straight to the heart.
Kie |
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Re: Dirt Tear Garden
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Wednesday, 13th July 2005 @ 11:03:47 PM AEST
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| exceptional ending. original concept and well portrayed. interesting, and kept my attention. and my question now is, arent sonnets supposed to have ten syllables in each line? |
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Re: Dirt Tear Garden
(User Rating: 1 )
by Mangs on
Tuesday, 26th July 2005 @ 01:37:05 AM AEST
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Wonderful emotions expressed in words so simple ..yet so moving....Love the way you write...
Love,
Umang. |
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Re: Dirt Tear Garden
(User Rating: 1 )
by fielding88 on
Friday, 12th August 2005 @ 01:37:39 PM AEST
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| A bit of work needed in terms of the complete structure of a sonnet, but otherwise I enjoyed the subject matter. You held my attention with your imagery and extended metaphors, which you seem to have a skill with. Your ending was rather enjoyable as well. It was a great way to cap off your first stab at a sonnet. If anything though, there are a few more rules to a sonnet that you may have to look up on your next foray. Nevertheless, excellent stuff : ) |
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Re: Dirt Tear Garden
(User Rating: 1 )
by xXx_lil_pyro_xXx on
Thursday, 29th September 2005 @ 11:29:03 AM AEST
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I loved this sonnet alot. Amanda you did a really good job for your first sonnet, it was better than mine ;). I'll cry a few tears for you Amanda in hopes that you'll see the beauty in you that i do. Keep up the great work cuzz!
luv
~karis~ |
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