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The Future
Contributed by
RonCris
on
Tuesday, 12th July 2005 @ 11:08:49 PM in AEST
Topic:
InspirationalPoems
|
A childs mind is like a drop of water
Or even a piece of iron not yet sautered
you mold it and shape it like a piece of clay
the way you mold it, is the way its life will play
maybe like an unborn stream, screaming for rain
or even a tear eyed widows face, filled with pain
how we mold our children will decide the future and beyond
maybe becoming an emcee, searching for a rhyme
or maybe a single parent, looking for time
recolecting the past, and the diffrent forks that could have been choosen
if only we could turn back time and see it frozen
mountains are molded through thousands of years
we seem so insignificant finding praise from our pears
the mountains surround is almost like a cell
the mountains are called opinions as you can tell
mountains are huge and very shape
then we wonder why our knowledge is so dark
we are made up of other peoples thought
and the knowledge of what our teachers have taught
but after we are taught, we stop the expanding horizon
why do children murder is not so surprising
a child is like a flower, it expands and it blossoms
the sight you see is truely awesome
but one drop of acid rain corrupts the entire pedal
this hinders the child from getting gold medals
this acid rain is better known as society
when I see a child on the news its hard for me
I comprehend the tradgity but not the thought
where was everyone when he was yearning to be taught
everyone said hell, his life can be bought
but knowledge and wizdom is all he truely saught
one blade of grass with one drop of dew
can change ones philosophy on what truely to do
my message is simple but take it to soul
learn from mistakes and what others have told
be your own person make your words scream bold
for without knowledge,,,this world is truely cold...
Copyright ©
RonCris
... [
2005-07-12 23:08:49]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The Future
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Tuesday, 12th July 2005 @ 11:31:50 PM AEST
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A masterpeice of thoughts-n-wisdom.
Great words.
huggs,
emy
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Re: The Future
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Wednesday, 13th July 2005 @ 01:00:06 PM AEST
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As a whole, I like the concept behind this write, and the topic is one of importance. I noticed some forced rhyming though, and also the fact that the rhyme scheme wasn't consistent throughout...Also a couple typos and several spelling errors, which takes away from a write. I'd suggest next time you click 'yes' for the moderators to double check your spelling/grammar for you. Also relax a bit with the rhyming...let it flow more naturally, or just free style...A poem needn't rhyme to be good. Keep it up, and your writes will get stronger. Welcome to YPDC!
Scorp. |
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