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The Filthy Wench
Contributed by
Wannabe
on
Tuesday, 12th July 2005 @ 02:25:29 PM in AEST
Topic:
Grief
|
Too busy fighting to be sane
Since I returned home to Maine
I’m too busy fighting to be sane
Since I served in God’s name
Ten years too many
Ten years too few
Ten years of twenty
Is ten years too few
Done in by infidelity
Done in by serenity
Done in by civility
Done in by conformity
A fool for love
Met a fool for lust
Who flew like a dove
And left his heart to rust
A lustful woman no less
Who could not pass the test
Who could not remain faithful
And was downright ungrateful
In the name of love
And the gods above
A warrior was subdued
Oh how very rude
Crippled by rhetoric
And nothing is said of it
Disabled by mistake
His life he must remake
To make right
He must fight
To be right
He sheds light
Upon past confusion
And the lies she was using
That led to his abusing
And many a delusion
Copyright ©
Wannabe
... [
2005-07-12 14:25:29]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The Filthy Wench
(User Rating: 1 )
by bgj on
Tuesday, 12th July 2005 @ 02:27:52 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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Not bad. Keep writing.
bgj |
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Re: The Filthy Wench
(User Rating: 1 )
by SinginSilence on
Tuesday, 12th July 2005 @ 02:36:09 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| I didnt like the rhyme scheme cuz it seemed like you were beating the rhymes into the reader's face. I like the poem as a whole though. Also the last line in stanza 6 seemed like it was forced, but it could have been the way i read it. Even with those things i pointed out in mind it's better than the majority of what i've read on this site so far, but i'm new so...okay keep up the good work. |
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Re: The Filthy Wench
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 12th July 2005 @ 03:48:49 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| An interesting write. Very unique format. |
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