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ever saying a word......

Contributed by DAVIS on Tuesday, 12th July 2005 @ 11:08:03 AM in AEST
Topic: LovePoetry

ever saying a word.................

we walked, hand in hand...
swallowed up by the valley floor...

nature in all its glory...
your beauty, impossible to ignore...

there were streams to cross...
and mountains to climb...

reading each others thoughts...
living in the sublime...

rays of the sunlight...
piercing through the trees...

you're comforted by the warm weather...
i am too, by the steady breeze...

we don't use words...
we speak with rare expression...

life as we know it pauses...
for we command natures' attention...

when i carry you across a river...
i'm telling you, that's my destiny for life...

by cooling my arms with cold water...
you're telling me, you want to be my wife...

as i carrying you up a mountain...
you sense, my love is without condition...

believeing in me is easy for you...
loving me is now your life's mission...

as we venture from this place...
those around us, realized what had occured...

we had told them our love story...
without ever saying a word...

Copyright © DAVIS ... [ 2005-07-12 11:08:03]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: ever saying a word...... (User Rating: 1 )
by xXcrossedXx on Wednesday, 13th July 2005 @ 09:38:01 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

This is beautiful!!!! I think my favorite from you, the ending really got me... this was really beautiful! Well done! There is one line that I think there is a spelling error:
"as i carrying you up a mountain..."
This is either supposed to be
1. as I carried you up a mountain
2. as I'm carrying you up a mountain

This was a beautiful write though, I LOVE the ending its beautiful and the overall setup of the poem. I also really like the line:
'your beauty, impossible to ignore...'

My only other advice would be to make sure all your 'i's are capatalized and the first letter of each line is capatalized as well.

Great, great write!
Keep writing and I'll keep reading.

.amanda.

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