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VII
Contributed by
SinginSilence
on
Tuesday, 12th July 2005 @ 02:00:26 AM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
As to how guided a soul to a star,
But not so a star or like as the moon,
Only the presence of other craft are,
With a like to drift astray and so soon.
Of same glows all and about the sky strewn,
For unlike cause they not upset with sound,
So stars await inquiry as minds swoon,
Below stars, above us, jets not ground,
Yea, on fall do they not make self-renowned?
How quiet a star’s surrender fare
Simply, do not more souls a star surround?
For stars are steady and so near God’s ear.
Then if even Holy stars do digress,
May a jet’s engine, both of us, suppress.
Copyright ©
SinginSilence
... [
2005-07-12 02:00:26]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: VII
(User Rating: 1 )
by Arden on
Tuesday, 12th July 2005 @ 04:50:41 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
* loves donnie darko*
wow, i wasnt expecting somthing like this.
packs a punch let me tell ya.
amazing piece of work you have here.
5/5
id say more but id like to let this soak for awhile.
-Arden |
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Re: VII
(User Rating: 1 )
by Arden on
Tuesday, 12th July 2005 @ 05:13:37 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Ok you’re a bit over abstract on this poem. To many blunt in your face lines that the reader has to pretty much sit back and try to pick it apart to grasp the meaning.
Your wording could use some work. You use ‘Star’ a bit to much.
In a way I feel that the poem isn’t really poetic. don’t get me wrong, I think its amazing and intricate. But I think some rewriting needs to be done. I think this would sound really well in rhyme, but it still works well like this.
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Re: VII
(User Rating: 1 )
by burnthefire on
Tuesday, 12th July 2005 @ 11:19:18 PM AEST
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this is very hard to understand. but the wording is wonderful.
and oh my goodness I love donnie darko. |
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Re: VII
(User Rating: 1 )
by poisonpen00ad on
Wednesday, 13th July 2005 @ 11:38:50 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
| This is exellent work. Soul and passion here that stirs the imagination. Look forward to seeing more like this. |
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