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The Devil's dream
Contributed by
vox
on
Monday, 11th July 2005 @ 03:06:24 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
Walking on a deserted path with nobody in sight,
I stumbled upon a man, sitting, in the cold black night.
His face i couldn’t see, he hid it in his hands.
I heard him sigh, he seemed lost in a worried trance.
“Sir,” i said “ sorry to intrude,
But you seem kind of worried, if its not much for you,
Share to me your pain.
Maybe i can help, in anykind of way.”
Hearing me , the strangers head up did rise,
Surprised i saw, it was the devil in human disguise.
But his presence caused me no fear.
Instead deep pain i felt. He was full in tears.
“What happened and you are very sad?
You seem to be lost in the dark, although normally you should’ve been glad.
What could have made you become so upset,
And tonight you look tired, Completely different?”
“I suffer from deep pain from inside of my heart.
I cannot stand this loneliness, always hiding in the dark.
Yes my friend, i was the king, i ruled the night
I liked it, it filled me, but it never felt quite right.
Maybe you wont believe the words that i will say
But i dream about the sky, since always.
I have heard so much about it.
But never got the chance to see it.
Two wings upon my back is all i ever ask
To escape and fly away, forever leave the dark.
Im tired of the cold. The freezing scent of death.
Though i was born for this, it never made quite sense.
But it is a shame, don’t you think?
Its always hard to make come true, the one thing that we wish.
Before you said you’d help me in any kind of way.
Well, i want about the sky, a story for you to say.
Since i know, from here its impossible to leave,
Let me just hear about it, and close my eyes and dream.”
Those words of his, tore my heart apart.
So next to him, i softly went and sat.
I started to tell him ‘bout the wonders of the sky,
Which he will never get the chance to see them with his own eyes.
Copyright ©
vox
... [
2005-07-11 15:06:24]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The Devil's dream
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Monday, 11th July 2005 @ 10:22:55 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
| the "i" needs to be capitalized. i dont normally like poems so full of dialog, but here it was fine. i liked your ending. i always look for a good ending for it can make a masterpiece or destroy one. i dont like the rhyming of the same word. i also dont like how it went from rhyme format to freestyle. in the title dream needs to be capitalized. i think you have a lot of potential, but sometimes the little things are the most important. |
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Re: The Devil's dream
(User Rating: 1 )
by Drapes on
Thursday, 9th March 2006 @ 09:37:40 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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wow, thats really good!
great write!
-drapes |
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