|
 Menu
|
|
|
|
|
Social
|
|
|
|
|
Never Together
Contributed by
Shyness
on
Saturday, 9th July 2005 @ 03:54:18 PM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
|
You're the last thing I think of before I go to sleep at night,
And the first thing that comes to mind with the morning light,
I know you will never want me as a girlfriend,
That's why I've been trying to make my feeling end,
But when I see you with other girls I actually feel pain,
And can literally feel my energy start to drain,
No one knows how I feel,
Because this is one secret I must conceal,
I'm the kind of person use to blocking people out,
But with you I feel I can talk without doubt,
I feel like you're someone I can trust,
And knowing I cant tell you this makes me feel ready to bust,
If someone were to ask me who I'd rather be,
I would say your girlfriend so you would like me,
But I must live with the reality forever,
That you and I will never be together.
Copyright ©
Shyness
... [
2005-07-09 15:54:18]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
Advertisments:
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sorry, comments are no longer allowed for anonymous, please register for a free membership to access this feature and more
|
|
All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry
Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any
comment.
That said, if you find an offensive comment, please
contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including poem title
etc.
|
|
|
Re: Never Together
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 9th July 2005 @ 04:15:40 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Oh sweetie
you have a long way to
go yet. Take your time and enjoy yourself
love yourself and love will come too you
Welcome to the site keep writing I will keep
reading |
|
|
Re: Never Together
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jenni_K on
Saturday, 9th July 2005 @ 04:59:06 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Wonderful write...one I can identify with so much....
Welcome to YPDC..
Jenni |
|
|
Re: Never Together
(User Rating: 1 )
by kodiak_2312 on
Saturday, 9th July 2005 @ 05:34:13 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
what a great poem!
i can deffinately identify with this one!
keep up the great work!
-Kodiak |
|
|
Re: Never Together
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Saturday, 9th July 2005 @ 10:01:46 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
A good attempt at expressing feelings none-too-easy to express. A little critique; some of the rhymes sound a little forced, as if word choice was dictated to produce a rhyme rather than to use the best possible word, which is harmful to good poetry. Don't be afraid to try non-rhyming verse (and there are other kinds of rhyme, and alliteration, my favorite). Also try for somewhat shorter ines.
Enough with the critique, though. Didn't mean to bring out the rake! Keep it up, and welcome to the site! I hope you enjoy yourself much.
Andrew |
|
|
|
· 
Poetry
Community
Members
Areas
Reference
Search
Top
Others
