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self pity fool
Contributed by
PHISHBATES
on
Friday, 8th July 2005 @ 02:09:26 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
I have no concept, of how to put a poem together
I make no complacated excuse for this,but
truth be known, I am unschooled and serverly under educated.
I do , however; have raceing thoughts,
pretty words, ugly colors and neglected intentions,
I see, I hear, I smell, I reap more than I sew
I have a firm grasp of my lack of willingness,
to act responcibly and follow the guide lines of reality.
I feel most who seemingly act responceible,
are so pretentious, as to think they are the ultimate preditors
when in actuality they may be mere prey.
I am not better than, I just am,
extreemly unblinded by my own inibility
to see my short comings.
As clearified, I am not so smart.
it is yet a hard task, functioning in society,
I feel pushed or pulled,
in all respects, I am nothing more.
than a slave cultivating the plantations of my masters.
this is nothing new, just a defferent time and place,
i want to run, but I would only find myself
on a new plantation slaving for a new master,
I am aware of my demise my outcome,
slow death in the chains of my own warped sainity.
I rage inside, mind swelling with a hemeridge
of guilt and shame, my mind draws blank
i spew not of rebelion, but only of the deepest invy,
jealousy is blind, i am just lazy
Copyright ©
PHISHBATES
... [
2005-07-08 14:09:26]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: self pity fool
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Friday, 8th July 2005 @ 02:15:27 PM AEST
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well for you saying your not a poet this sure said otherwise your mind and words mingle well with the pen
Michelle |
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Re: self pity fool
(User Rating: 1 )
by deadheadpoet on
Friday, 8th July 2005 @ 11:00:16 PM AEST
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| I thought this a great write man, except for some misspelled words. Your ideas were deep and very revealing. There are so many lines here I find so hard hitting for instance the entire second verse, very well put. I also like this: It is a hard task fuctioning in society, I feel pushed or pulled, in all respects, I am nothing more than a slave cultivating the plantations of my master. Well said. My favorite line though is this one I think---I want to run, but I would only find myself. Damn, I've been there before. By the way I stopped to read you because of your name. Are you a Phish head? Much peace to you. Laura |
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Re: self pity fool
(User Rating: 1 )
by manic_x_pressive on
Saturday, 9th July 2005 @ 08:51:37 PM AEST
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Unschooled, maybe. But uneducated, I don't think so. This was an awesome write, I can really relate to the whole thing. The only piece of constructive criticism I could offer would be that while your vocabulary is strong, your spelling skills need work. So keep it up.
I hope to read more of your work in the future. |
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Re: self pity fool
(User Rating: 1 )
by blowfish_jane on
Thursday, 14th July 2005 @ 05:39:45 PM AEST
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Your mad, this was brilliant. A very well written poem. I loved the way you penned this, it's so creative.
Well done.
Jane xxx |
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