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I CAN'T SIR
Contributed by
boobiepeach
on
Wednesday, 6th July 2005 @ 04:13:20 PM in AEST
Topic:
goodbyepoetry
|
I can’t be your rock sir
I know you don’t count
Rock has softened
And rolled away
I can’t be your strength sir
You ask in a subtle
The muscle is flat
It shrank away
I can’t be you white sir
Look with wide eyes
Grey shadows turn black
My light has dimmed
I can’t be clear water sir
Swim to me not
Murky liquid has pored in
Mud to thick to chew
I can’t be your warm sir
Fold your own arms
I can feel you chill
My cold has your name
I can’t be you high sir
Look up at my smile
Wondered how low
Eye to eye we are not
I can’t be your eyes sir
Watch you own hands
Blinded by love
Sees no way out
I can’t be your color sir
But lips hate me not
All shades and hues are dull
With no canvas of muse
I can’t be your life sir
For your nothing told me so
Dead words and actions
Buried your love alive
Copyright ©
boobiepeach
... [
2005-07-06 16:13:20]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: I CAN'T SIR
(User Rating: 1 )
by ducki on
Wednesday, 6th July 2005 @ 06:37:38 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Absolutly, wonderfully awesome. Brought tears to my eyes. |
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Re: I CAN'T SIR
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Wednesday, 6th July 2005 @ 10:22:11 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Nice concept Peach...I like this a lot. My only complaint, the grammar was a bit off in some spots...but a very enjoyable read nonetheless.
I really liked the third and last stanzas.
Scorp. |
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Re: I CAN'T SIR
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 7th July 2005 @ 02:15:06 AM AEST
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good writing indeed
varity is the spice of "Life"
I try to do the same mix it up
with all diff. sytles of poems
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Re: I CAN'T SIR
(User Rating: 1 )
by Willofree on
Friday, 8th July 2005 @ 10:27:13 AM AEST
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Very creative style, a bit difficult to read at first as I am unfamiliar with this type format....better the 2nd time through. It appears, to me, to address an overly dependent male in a relationship, just my take.
Bravo, for your willingness to experiment, peach
Well done
Will |
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