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Underfoot is thunder
Contributed by
fionndruinne
on
Tuesday, 5th July 2005 @ 04:08:33 PM in AEST
Topic:
NaturePoetry
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Underfoot is thunder
as waves wash through
secret channels in the rocks.
I lean against a wall of weathered stone
warm still from a sun
buried in western cloud.
Sea carries on its endless song
along the shore,
fey chants underpinning
the high cries of gulls.
In other places I have stood
the voice of God is gentle,
but here pure peril is His beauty
and underfoot is thunder.
* Line 9; "fey": from an Anglo-Saxon word, faege, meaning wild, unearthly, and ominous or portending sudden death.
© MMV ADL
Copyright ©
fionndruinne
... [
2005-07-05 16:08:33]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Underfoot is thunder
(User Rating: 1 )
by xxbreathlessx on
Tuesday, 5th July 2005 @ 04:22:47 PM AEST
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| i liked this, you did a really great job. the scenery comes to life. |
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Re: Underfoot is thunder
(User Rating: 1 )
by springchic1979 on
Tuesday, 5th July 2005 @ 04:25:44 PM AEST
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Sitting there, watching the waves crashing, listening to the sounds of birds and ocean....I bet it was breath-taking, just like your poem.
Yvonne |
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Re: Underfoot is thunder
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 5th July 2005 @ 04:26:21 PM AEST
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Wow! Andrew the imagery is fantastic!
I see it all in my mind, feel the sunwarmed rock and the vibrations below...great write buddy!!!!!! |
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Re: Underfoot is thunder
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 5th July 2005 @ 04:28:56 PM AEST
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| Great job on this i felt like i was standing with the waves caressing my feet. Great way to express the beach. a big 5 for this write keep up the goodies |
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Re: Underfoot is thunder
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 5th July 2005 @ 04:31:43 PM AEST
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| tried to give you ten but they only let me vote once lol |
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Re: Underfoot is thunder
(User Rating: 1 )
by Eternal_Dreamer on
Tuesday, 5th July 2005 @ 05:02:08 PM AEST
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Andrew a superb piece of poetry written with such sensational imagery and detail. Whatever u write about u capture its essence so well. Well done.
Hugs,
Dreamer |
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Re: Underfoot is thunder
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kie on
Tuesday, 5th July 2005 @ 07:00:56 PM AEST
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For a moment I was there in great reverence.
All of my senses tell me so.
It amazes me when a person can say so much and yet leave the reader wanting to read on.
I wanted to read on.
Oh and snap some pics. :)
Kie |
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Re: Underfoot is thunder
(User Rating: 1 )
by ForeverAlone on
Thursday, 7th July 2005 @ 02:15:54 PM AEST
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heh., great write, i love the way its POETRY..lol.most the stuff on the site is really simple, this is beautiful, awesome job
~Clark |
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Re: Underfoot is thunder
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on
Sunday, 10th July 2005 @ 12:11:18 AM AEST
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Beautiful, Andrew! This feels terribly... "alive". I love the title... most especially because of how you've opened and closed with it. Your ending in particular is quite impressive.
If you do have a go at a re-write... there's not too much that I would recommend changing. It did occur to me, for whatever reason, that the line "Sea carries on its endless song" might be quite interesting with some personification thrown in... as in "She carries on her endless song". Ignore the suggestion if it does not suit you... I suppose I just couldn't help myself as I am generally one to toss in "she's" and "he's" that are almost always something other than what they seem on the surface.
Fabulous write, my friend. Really!
~Snem~ |
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Re: Underfoot is thunder
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on
Sunday, 10th July 2005 @ 12:23:05 AM AEST
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Oh and.....
This is incredibly potent when viewed as a metaphor. My yes! I see the beauty of it either way... but... think I can relate to it most when I consider it as metaphorical.
The curious part of me wonders if it was intended, at all, to be a metaphor. I'd be inclined to ask --- but the stubborn part of me, wants to leave the question unasked.
*smirking a bit*
~Snem~
(who, obviously, is full 'o thoughts for having read this) |
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Re: Underfoot is thunder
(User Rating: 1 )
by Nazmythian on
Wednesday, 13th July 2005 @ 05:03:04 AM AEST
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Andrew ... the title alone is poetry
I have been long absent from the coast ... thank you for bringing it to me.
Your words ... breathe
Nazzy ~ |
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Re: Underfoot is thunder
(User Rating: 1 )
by lostinmyself on
Wednesday, 27th July 2005 @ 09:29:11 AM AEST
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It may sound silly, but reading this I could feel the words, not see them, I could feel them.
There are not many people's words who can do that to me.
Your words took me there.
You have a lot of talent Andrew.
Well done,
Great write,
Phil xxx
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Re: Underfoot is thunder
(User Rating: 1 )
by Wachumiri on
Wednesday, 27th July 2005 @ 11:44:48 PM AEST
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Penned down perfectly, though, if rewritten, perfection may reach a higher mark.
Take care cousin.
David |
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Re: Underfoot is thunder
(User Rating: 1 )
by Zandria on
Friday, 29th July 2005 @ 07:38:35 AM AEST
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Hello Andrew,
this joint wouldn't let me post until I blasted a poem or two first.
So, here you go.....
(David is making me say.... Here's your bloody comment.)
Nice. |
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Re: Underfoot is thunder
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Sunday, 31st July 2005 @ 07:13:27 AM AEST
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What a fantastic visual you have created for the reader!! Your words have a descriptive quality to them that is few and far between...How you have managed to relay such a wonderful moment in so few words, I will never know. Your expressive writing style truly took me to that spot with you, and as a reader I am most grateful: )
Scorp. |
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Re: Underfoot is thunder
(User Rating: 1 )
by Iwan on
Friday, 5th August 2005 @ 12:08:09 PM AEST
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Very refreshing stuff. I like the fact that its so senseless, and such a well written depiction of the world that must've been around you.
Keep up the good work :) |
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Re: Underfoot is thunder
(User Rating: 1 )
by Erualaitalmarea on
Friday, 12th August 2005 @ 04:43:04 PM AEST
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I know this well(excpet the waves we have no sea where I live) but I sit atop a crag myself at home, it inspires so much that can hardly be described, good job!
~Eldarinwani Lairetece~ |
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Re: Underfoot is thunder
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 15th August 2005 @ 02:55:34 AM AEST
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Ah, we have that in common - I love the high places as well. I spent a good part of my life along the SoCal coastline and your poem reminds me so well of Sunset Cliffs/Point Loma and the crashing of the sea as it digs cavernous places out of the rocks.
(And though slightly off topic, the spirit of my father shot a cold water shockwave over our whole family after we disposed of his ashes there as he had wished.)
And I am there in your words. Excellent work!
Blessings, J.
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Re: Underfoot is thunder
(User Rating: 1 )
by Wachumiri on
Friday, 19th August 2005 @ 12:43:51 AM AEST
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Andrew, I love this poem. Your words and phrases are so descriptive that I felt as if I were there experiencing the moment, too. That´s what great writing is about, making the writer´s ideas come to life.
Aunt Alethia |
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Re: Underfoot is thunder
(User Rating: 1 )
by Loende on
Saturday, 20th August 2005 @ 02:31:14 AM AEST
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Nya heru,
Well done indeed. You take me places when I least expect it. Shall I smack our very own "fey" around for you?
With love,
Loende |
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Re: Underfoot is thunder
(User Rating: 1 )
by eatfresh22 on
Monday, 22nd August 2005 @ 05:45:54 PM AEST
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Oh, beautiful Andrew. That's what I love about nature...how you can see so many different sides to our God. I'm glad you see the same. You're coming along...haha, just kidding, my mentor.
~Carrie~ |
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Re: Underfoot is thunder
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 10th March 2006 @ 08:42:22 PM AEST
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Beautiful, gorgeous poem here my friend.
the voice of God is gentle,
but here pure peril is His beauty
and underfoot is thunder.
See how He wants you to notice His beauty. Oh, would you truly want to revise this poem.. Its beautiful Andrew.
Yes, under His feet is His beautiful thunder... wonder full of His love.
raquelLeah |
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Re: Underfoot is thunder
(User Rating: 1 )
by needledancing on
Saturday, 17th March 2007 @ 05:44:52 AM AEST
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I must complain to whoever rated this a 3...I haven't read anything in here yet that should not be a 5...then that's my opinion right?
Great job on this piece as well.
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