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these days
there’s a thin line between boredom and I miss you. these days, on an occasional Sunday, you are where I end up. I run the same errands every couple of hours. I cook for a starved party of one, who’s never hungry when it’s time to eat. I try to write but it doesn’t come out the way I feel. I play musical chairs with my thoughts and find enlightenment every ten minutes only to lose sight of it every five. understanding isn’t the same as finding assurance. I smell the scent left on my clothes in attempt at remembering who I am. I let the water stream as I sit in the shower. tucking my knees into my chest pretending they’re your arms. I stare at the grout connecting the pieces of tile creating lines of compromise between what I thought you needed and what I wanted to give you. I finish bottles of wine and arrange them like flowers. white,red. I try to read but I see your initials everywhere and it drives. me. mad. I can’t write though I reserve the right to blame it on my inability to find my favorite pen. I stare at the clock. I stare at the clock because I am out of errands to run. I cook for a starved party who’s lost her appetite. I can’t find words. I play mind games though it doesn’t bring me any insight. I smell clothes. I still don’t recognize myself, my scent. my arms are terrible at being yours. my vision’s blurry and I don’t know if it’s the tears or the bottles of flowers. I find my pen. I write your initials. there’s a thin line between boredom and I miss you. on an occasional Sunday, I can’t tell the difference. these days, I run errands but you, you are always where I end up.
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