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Awake I Find Myself
Its been nearly 4 years now
I finally don't miss you anymore
not in a lovers sense anyway
I haven't forgotten your face
But I don't see it all around me
I am finding it easier to move on
Maybe it's in the eyes of my son
To which I'm drawn away from you
Maybe it's time letting me go
Or maybe it's just me realizing
That I was holding on to an idea
A dream that was never real
Looking back though
The wake I've left since then
The hearts I myself have broken
that's what's keeping me up now
All the could haves
I don't know what's worse
The heart ache
Or my overwhelming regret
In letting one moment change me
Letting one person dictate me
My actions are my own
So why did I let loss guide them
I see now the steps I must take
Letting you go was the easy part
4 years later I understand
Letting who I had become go
That will be the test I face
One night stands
Lowering my standard of self
To find a meaningless kiss
One to hide my pain behind
Because then I thought
Faking love could be the real thing
How cowardly I was
Running away from it all
Like waking from a bad dream
Pretending to be fine
When I clearly knew I wasn't
I searched for connection
In anyone that I could attract
knowing it was never real
A pretty face lying next to me
Wanting more then I could give
I tried to be kind
Tried to force a feeling
Hopelessly I stood alone
No understanding in my heart ache
Nearly 28 years old now
For the first time I am learning
Learning who I really am
But caught in the aftermath
A victim of my own bad decisions
But today I build on tomorrow
No longer just the right now
So with new direction
And a place in my own life
I see where I must start again
To build myself
A vision projected from my eyes
So here's to me and tomorrow
Here to finding a new home
On the other side of sorrow
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