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My Life How It Sets
I’m five again
the wind is blowing my hair around
there are no worries here
there is only day and night
yes my parents are arguing
but that’s the last thing on my mind
I need only air
and my sisters
and my own sense of control to survive
I’m nine again
my curiosity leans toward new things
I take my anger out on others
to mask my true feelings
I hate wearing glasses
I love my friends at school
they are my escape
from the real life of my family
that has started to unfurl
I’m twelve again
it’s been one year since my parents’ issues
have completely settled in my head
I don’t completely understand
but it’s enough to make me hate my dad
the same man who used to pick me up
and walk me on the ceiling
the same man who used to throw me on the bed as hard as he can
hoping not to hurt me
but I’d come back screaming,
“again, daddy, again!”
I’m thirteen again
it’s amazing what one year can do to you
my life is black and night
and razors and fright
I take my emotions out on myself
I cut deeper and longer
I don’t want any help
people are scared of me
looking back I’d be scared of me too
but at thirteen there’s only so much you can do
my pain went ignored
I didn’t care
I covered it up so no one would stare
I didn’t mind talking about it
I just didn’t want it said
how’s that for a teen everyone thinks is ***** up in the head?
I’m fifteen again
a sophomore
still have the same issues and doubt in the world
smoking drinking and pot galore
these are my new escapes
among a few more
I don’t care what’s happening around me
I’m invincible as far as I can see
my only weakness is my heart
I try to push it all into art
but it’s not enough
I have the unstoppable urge to be touched
my first true love broke my heart
and left a deep
dark
ever growing mark
I hated everything about me
and I hated everyone else
I devilled deeper and deeper
in an attempt to distract myself
I’m eighteen again
the last couple of years were spent mainly alone
with a sack of weed
I’ve been living out of my car
staying here and there to sleep
I got my first job and my pockets are crammed with a few bucks
I want nothing more than to leave
and never come back
once I start contemplating this very seriously
I have my plan down and everything
this guy comes out of no where and sweeps me off my feet
I’ve known him forever
we went to high school together
he graduated one year before me
and we went our own ways
something brought us back together after that long year
maybe it was fate?
he took me in his arms
and showed me that there’s something worth living for
there’s always something more
I’m twenty now
I’m still with this guy who makes me breathless sometimes
we work on cars together
and play video games
we pay our rent and whatever else needs to be
we’ll take random vacations
that last a few days at a time
he holds me tight when I want to cry
he’s just so wonderful
he’s changed my life
everything else here is okay too
I haven’t cut myself in a couple of years
I’m still known to chill and have a few beers
all of the stuff I’ve been through is all in the past
life’s just too short
it goes by so fast
so when I turn twenty one and every year after
I’ll hold everything to heart
and cherish it forever.
acidicblasphemy, PLEASE: To help keep this site INTERACTIVE, please read and comment on at least 3 poems by our other authors for each one you submit.
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