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Wasted Saturated with alcohol
No control, no conscious, coherent decisions
Perhaps my own fault but that is a dark, black hole
Something I could never verify
May be that he didn’t know
Not an excuse
Possibly assumed since I complied
But he’s older, he ought to know

I don’t remember saying no
I don’t remember saying yes
I remember only four moments
It makes my stomach turn
Partly because of who you are
Partly because I can’t recall how or why
I’m just left with a patchy memory
And you were sober, that makes this worse

Caught in a grey zone
Somewhere between wrong and moving on
Consumed with distress
It was my dignity that he took
I’m ashamed to say that this has made me bolder
Licentiously taking back my own control


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